LGBTQ+ Relationships

LGBTQ+ Relationships have unique challenges compared to heterosexual relationships. Healthy relationships are not a “one size fits all.” However, all healthy relationships share equality and respect. There are common characteristics of unhealthy relationships. Signs of an unhealthy relationship unique to LGBTQ+ relationships include:

• Threatening to out you to others (if you are not out)
• Telling you that you aren’t a “real” gay man, lesbian woman, trans man, trans woman, non-binary individual, etc. (This could be because you don’t have sex they way they want you to or think you should)
• Not respecting your chosen gender pronouns or names

LGBTQ+ Power and Control Wheel

The Power and Control Wheel for LGBTQ+ Relationships depicts various ways in which power or control can manifest in an abusive relationship. It provides insight into how heterosexism, homophobia, biphobia, and transphobia can be used to further perpetuate abuse. This abuse can be emotional, physical and/or sexual. Examples of the various types of abuse are outlined in the Power and Control Wheel. Some examples of abuse include using tactics such as intimidation, emotional abuse, isolation, denying, minimizing, and blaming, using privilege, economic abuse, or coercion and threats to control a partner.

Specific differences that LBGTQ+ individuals face that differ from heterosexual couples in relation to the Power and Control Wheel include:

• Using looks, actions, or gestures to reinforce homophobia, biphobia or transphobia
• Questioning if you’re a “real” woman, “real” femme, “real” butch, etc.
• Saying women can’t abuse women/men can’t abuse men
• Threatening to tell your ex-spouse or authorities that you are lesbian, gay, bisexual or trans so they will take your children
• Using privilege or ability to “pass” to discredit you, put you in danger, cut off your access to resources, or use the system against you

Myth: The more masculine-presenting or stronger partner is the one inflicting abuse. 

Truth: Domestic violence does not discriminate; however, it is often perceived through the lens of gender. It can play a significant role for reporting instances of domestic violence.

Myth: The majority of pedophiles are homosexual men.

Truth: The majority are white, heterosexual men. The perpetrators are motivated by power and control, not by sexual desire. 

Myth: Bisexual individuals are promiscuous and they just can’t make up their minds.

Truth: Bisexual individuals aren’t more promiscuous than other sexual orientations and someone’s sexuality isn’t ‘waiting to make a decision’, it is just a part of who they are. Bisexual people are attracted to both sexes/genders to varying degrees. Some are more attracted to men, some more to women, and some equally to both. Bisexual is no more a choice than gay or straight.