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The
Value and Power of Dialogue
Dialogue creates
a pathway and a safety zone for an open conversation in which both
mentor and mentee learn. Effective dialogue requires emotional safety
for all participants; there must be no negative outcomes for expressing
a point of view honestly and candidly.
Introducing
dialogue into a mentoring relationship can lead to profound, positive
changes in the nature of the relationship. Openness, trust, willingness,
and support are dramatically enhanced when open dialogue exists.
The power of true dialogue involves:
- listening
to understand
- clarifying
with questions
- respecting,
valuing, and partnering with others
- proving
one’s commitment to learning
- truthfully
sharing points of view and being willing to change them
- supporting
others
- disclosing
and being open
Questioning
tends to open people up. It stimulates learning, creativity, and
understanding. It allows people to own their own ideas from the
beginning. On the other hand, telling tends to control conversation,
shuts off the flow of ideas, and may trigger combativaeness or other
forms of self-protection. Effective questions are effective because
they accomplish several things both both people:
- They demonstrate
a willingness on the part of the questioner to listen for the
answer
- They demonstrate
respect for the individual
- They help
people discover their own answers, rather than waiting for an
expert
- They clarify
direction, purpose, expectations, and goals, which are necessary
conditions to create alignment across the mentoring relationship
- They solicit
people’s ideas, input, and recommendations, which creates a significantly
higher level of participation and involvement
- They help
people understand the roles they play in the problems that exist
and in achieving improved results
- They teach
people to contemplate their thinking processes
- They focus
people’s attention on the future, not on the past, and on discovering
solutions, not on staying stuck in problems
Therefore,
effective questions must be:
- Open-ended
rather than close-ended (they cannot be answered simply with "yes"
or "no")
- Placed appropriately
in the dialogue to clarify, illuminate, and draw out
- Authentic,
coming from a sincere desire to learn
- Followed
by (sometimes deafening) silence, to demonstrate the coach’s sincere
intention to listen
- Supportive
in tone, to minimize the possibility of triggering people’s defensive
reactions (total communication is 7% spoken words, 38% tone of
voice, and 55% body language)
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Sample
Problem-Solving Questions
What do you
think about this idea?
What do you
think is important?
How would
you solve this?
If you were
in my shoes, what would you do?
What other
factors should we be considering?
In your opinion,
why is this approach going to work?
What do you
see as the obstacles we face?
Global
How are things
going?
What are
your goals?
What are
you trying to accomplish?
Problem
Identification
What results
have you achieved so far?
Where are
you stuck?
What kinds
of problems are you encountering?
Options
& Solutions
What solutions
have you attempted?
What do you
see as your options?
Do you want
input from me?
Planning
What is your
"go forward" plan?
How can you
apply what you’ve learned to your job?
Who else
would benefit from knowing this?
Support
What can
I do to better support you?
Whose support
do you need?
Would it
be helpful to talk about this again?
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The
Mentor Role: Six Behavioral Functions*
- Relationship
Emphasis
Conveys through
active, empathetic listening a genuine understanding and acceptance
of the mentee’s feelings.
Purpose:
To create
a psychological climate of trust which allows mentees to honestly
share and reflect upon their personal experiences (positive and
negative) as adult learners.
Mentor
Behaviors:
- Practice
responsive listening (verbal and nonverbal reactions that signal
sincere interest).
- Ask open-ended
questions related to expressed immediate concerns about actual
situations.
- Provide
descriptive feedback based on observations rather than inferences
of motives.
- Use perception
checks to ensure comprehension of feelings.
- Offer
nonjudgmental sensitive responses to assist in clarification
of emotional states and reactions.
- Information
Emphasis
Directly
requests detailed information from and offers specific suggestions
to mentees about their current plans and progress in achieving
personal, educational, and career goals.
Purpose:
To ensure
that advice offered is based on accurate and sufficient knowledge
of individual mentees.
Mentor
Behaviors:
- Ask questions
aimed at assuring factual understanding of present educational
and career situation.
- Review
relevant background to develop adequate personal profile.
- Ask probing
questions which require concrete answers.
- Offer
directive-type comments about present problems and solutions
that should be considered.
- Make restatements
to ensure factual accuracy and interpretive understanding.
- Rely on
facts as an integral component of the decision-making process.
- Facilitative
Focus
Guides mentees
through a reasonably in-depth review of and exploration of their
interests, abilities, ideas, and beliefs.
Purpose:
To assist
mentees in considering alternative views and options while reaching
their own decisions about attainable personal, academic, and career
objectives.
Mentor
Behaviors:
- Pose hypothetical
questions to expand individual views.
- Uncover
the underlying experiential and information basis for assumptions.
- Present
multiple viewpoints to generate a more in-depth analysis of decisions
and options.
- Examine
the seriousness of commitment to goals.
- Analyze
reasons for current pursuits.
- Review recreational
and vocational preferences.
- Confrontive
Focus
Respectfully
challenges mentee’s explanations for or avoidance of decisions
and actions relevant to their development as adult learners.
Purpose:
To help mentees
attain insight into unproductive strategies and behaviors and
to evaluate their need and capacity to change.
Mentor
Behaviors:
- Use careful
probing to assess psychological readiness of the mentee to benefit
from different points of views.
- Make an
open acknowledgment of concerns about possible negative consequences
of constructive ("critical") feedback on the relationship.
- Employ
a confrontive verbal stance aimed at the primary goal of promoting
self-assessment of apparent discrepancies.
- Focus
on most likely strategies and behaviors for meaningful change.
- Use the
least amount of carefully stated feedback necessary for impact.
- Offer
comments (before and after confrontive remarks) to reinforce
belief in positive potential for mentee growth beyond the current
situation.
- Mentor
Model
Shares life
experiences and feelings as a "role model" with mentees
in order to personalize and enrich the relationship.
Purpose:
To motivate
mentees to take necessary risks, to make decisions without certainty
of successful results, and to overcome difficulties in the journey
toward educational and career goals.
Mentor
Behaviors:
- Offer
personal thoughts and genuine feelings to emphasize the value
of learning from unsuccessful or difficult experiences (as trial
and error and self-correction, and not as growth-limiting "failures").
- Select
related examples from own life (and experiences as mentor of
other mentees) based on probably motivational value.
- Provide
a direct, realistic assessment of positive belief in mentee’s
ability to pursue attainable goals.
- Express
a confident view of appropriate risk taking as necessary for
personal, educational, training, and career development.
- Make statements
that clearly encourage personal mentee actions to attain stated
objectives.
- Mentee
Vision
Stimulates
mentee’s critical thinking with regard to envisioning their own
future and developing their personal and professional potential.
Purpose:
To encourage
mentees as they manage personal changes and take initiatives in
their transitions through life events as independent adult learners.
Mentor
Behaviors:
- Make statements
which require reflection on present and future educational,
training, and career attainments.
- Ask questions
aimed at clarifying perceptions (positive and negative) about
personal ability to manage change.
- Review
individual choices based on a reasonable assessment of options
and resources.
- Make comments
directed at analysis of problem-solving and decision-making
strategies.
- Express
confidence in carefully thought-out decisions.
- Offer
remarks that show respect for mentee’s capacity to determine
their own future.
- Encourage
mentees to develop talents and pursue dreams.
*Mentoring
Adult Learners: A Guide for Educators and Trainers, Norman
H. Cohen,1995
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