Golden Rules of Motivation
your mentee is in the cycle of motivation or de-motivation shown
on their confidence, if they are in the negative cycle of de-motivation,
because itís about the only thing you can affect directly. Do
with them to develop a vision of how good they could be at completing
a specific task, or playing a specific role;
that improved performance in an area that might not be critical
to their mainstream activities usually has very positive spin-off
benefits to their core work activities.
on praise if they are in the positive cycle of de-motivation.
their needs for support and/or training, even if it is to be provided
by the mentee themselves or by a third party.
most motivates your mentee. Everyone has different motivating
factors. Have your mentee complete the motivation exercises on
the following page.
Language" . . . Finding the Best Words
or We" versus You
sets up potential judgment, blaming, and defensive reactions.
self-responsibility and personal ownership of a point of view
and is easier to listen to.
clearly includes others and stresses temwork.
As you work
to build a collaborative and trusting mentoring relationship,
you will find that it is helpful to use inclusive language rather
than words that separate or potentially trigger defensiveness.
Self-responsible language always contains lots of Iís and
very few youís.
is controlling and over-directive and can set up feelings of guild
(which are not helpful).
is more open and sets up additional possibilities in our thinking,
acting, and cooperating.
on others is an unconscious act of control and manipulation. Most
of us do not appreciate this parental approach; in fact, most
people are offended by it and resent being treated like children.
Avoid shoulding on yourself and others.
to cancel out or discount what was said prior to the "but," and
sets up an argumentative tone.
feels inclusive, makes room for other points of view, and indicates
respect for the speaker.
a great job of creating a feeling of openness and space for all
of the paradoxes that coexist in life -- especially in working
situations, in which everyone has a portion of the whole truth
and nobody can see it all.
can often give people an excuse for not succeeding, as in "Well,
is a much stronger commitment.
others begins between their ears, in how they think about themselves
and their capabilities. A mentor often sees more capability than
the mentee does. So be vigilant for words that psychologically
leave a back door open to failure. Encourage your mentee to make
a commitment in the form of "I will."
One of the
key skills for mentors is reframing -- helping mentees to think
about issues and problems in new ways that help to create breakthroughs
in their thinking and, thus, in their actions.
some common words:
always or never as sometimes (hardly anything
is always or never true)
canít as wonít (because the truth usually is wonít)
mistakes as learnings (because there is no shame
in learning something)
but . . . (because it is usually argumentative or just an
(because you can almost always more clearly identify whatever
(because it separates and excludes people)