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Mentoring
Language . . . the value and power of dialogue
Dialogue creates
a pathway and a safety zone for an open conversation in which both
mentor and mentee learn. Effective dialogue requires emotional safety
for all participants; there must be no negative outcomes for expressing
a point of view honestly and candidly. Introducing dialogue into a
mentoring relationship can lead to profound, positive changes in the
nature of the relationship. Openness, trust, willingness, and support
are dramatically enhanced when open dialogue exists.
Questioning tends
to open people up. It stimulates learning, creativity, and understanding.
It allows people to own their own ideas from the beginning. On the
other hand, telling tends to control conversation, shuts off the flow
of ideas, and may trigger combativeness or other forms of self-protection.
Effective questions are effective because they accomplish several
things for both people:
- They demonstrate
a willingness on the part of the questioner to listen for the answer
- They demonstrate
respect for the individual
- They help
people discover their own answers, rather than waiting for an expert
- They clarify
direction, purpose, expectations, and goals, which are necessary
conditions to create alignment across the mentoring relationship
- They solicit
people's ideas, input, and recommendations, which creates a significantly
higher level of participation and involvement
- They help
people understand the roles they play in the problems that exist
and in achieving improved results
- They teach
people to contemplate their thinking processes
- They focus
people's attention on the future, not on the past, and on discovering
solutions, not on staying stuck in problems
Therefore, effective
questions must be:
- Open-ended
rather than close-ended (cannot be answered simply with "yes"
or "no")
- Placed appropriately
in the dialogue to clarify, illuminate, and draw out
- Authentic,
coming from a sincere desire to learn
- Followed by
(sometimes deafening) silence, to demonstrate the mentor's sincere
intention to listen
- Supportive
in tone, to minimize the possibility of triggering people's defensive
reactions (total communication is 7% spoken words, 38% tone of voice,
and 55% body language)
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