Just for fun!
Some Local Treasures to Explore:
- Apple Blossom Books
- Ardy & Ed's
- Atomickatz Vintage
- Bubolz Nature Preserve
- Camera Casino
- Crescent Moon Antiques & Salvage
- Cy's Asian Bistro
- The Exclusive Company for new releases, DVDs, and more
- Fall Color Report
- The Grand Opera House
- Leon's
- LouLou Boutique
- Marcus Theatre
- Morgan House
- Oaks Candy
- Oshkosh Gallery Walk (First Saturdays)
- Oshkosh News
- Paper Tiger Books and Magazines
- Pilora's Cafe
- Red Radish
- The Roxy
- Schettle Sales
- Soiree Urban Gifts
- Wisconsin Historical Society
Lounge Questions
- If a tree falls in the forest and claps one hand, what color is the sound that is produced?
- If you were going to hold a dinner party for five deities, which deities would you invite, and what kind of pasta would you serve?
- Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
- If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
- Can you cry under water?
- Since bread is square, then why is most sandwich meat round?
- Why do we choose from just two people for President and 50 for Miss America?
- Do cows have calf muscles?
- Sooner or later, doesn't everyone stop smoking?
- If “all the world’s a stage”, where is the audience sitting?
- If women ran the Pentagon, would missiles and submarines be shaped differently?
- If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
- Why is bra singular and panties plural?
- Are people more violently opposed to fur rather than leather because it's much easier to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs?
- How do they get deer to cross at those yellow road signs?
- Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
- Could it be that boulders are just big statues of little rocks?
- Does anybody ever vanish with a trace?
- How can "quite a lot" and "quite a few" mean the same thing?
- What do people in China call their good plates?
- Do chickens think rubber humans are funny?
- Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
- When you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
- How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?
- How many people thought of the Post-It note before it was invented but just didn't have anything to jot it down on?
- Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
- Why are there interstates in Hawaii?
- Why don't they call moustaches "mouthbrows"?
- Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
- When they ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
- If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes"?
- If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
- If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
- If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?
- Is there another word for "synonym"?
- What do little birdies see when they get knocked on their head?
- What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
- If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it homeless or naked?
- Why do they report power outages on TV?
- When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
- Do police sketch artists start out by drawing chalk outlines?
- Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?
- Can you imagine a world without hypothetical situations?
- How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow there?
- Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
- Do Roman paramedics refer to IVs as "Fours"?
- Why is it called "after dark," when it is really "after light"?
- Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
- How come only our fingers and toes prune in the shower but nothing else does?
- If there was a crumb on the table and you cut it in half, would you have two crumbs or two halves of a crumb?
- If mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?
- If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?
- Mulberry bush aside, would a monkey really chase a weasel?
- If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
- If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
- How young can you die of old age?
- Where would we be without rhetorical questions?
- Will your answer to this question be no?
- If swimming is such good exercise, how come whales are so fat?
- Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
- Why do they make ballerinas stand on their toes? Can't they just get taller women?
- Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
- Do I get extra points if I correct the exam questions?
Funny Quotes
"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines"
"Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese"
"Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm"
"I intend to live forever - so far, so good"
"Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of"
"Today in English we learned absolutely nothing about killing mockingbirds"
"Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy"
"If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something"
"Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire"
"Be alert. The world needs more lerts. (Douglas Adams)"
"To do is to be [Descartes] To be is to do [Voltaire] Do be do be do [Frank Sinatra]"
"You can lead a boy to college but you can't make him think"
"Procrastinate… Later"
"Bad spellers of the world, untie!"
"Writing about music is like dancing about architecture"
"Make the most of yourself, because that's all the self you are going to get, mister"
"Last night as I lay in bed looking at the stars, I thought "Where the hell is the ceiling?!""
"When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail"
"People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first"
"It is always easier to apologize than to ask permission"
"Almost anything is easier to get into than out of"
"I do whatever the voices tell me to, it just depends on who yells the loudest"
"Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You'll see"
"I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information"
"The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all… the one who argues with "him
"7/5th of all people don't understand fractions"
"Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity"
"Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool"
'There are no stupid questions, but there are a lot of inquisitive idiots"
"In Democracy, it's your vote that counts. In Feudalism, it's your count that votes."
Funny Newspaper Headlines
"Milk drinkers are turning to powder"
"Farmer bill dies in house"
"Iraqi head seeks arms"
"Eye Drops Off Shelf"
"Squad helps dog bite victim"
"Dealers will hear car talk at noon"
"Enraged cow injures farmer with ax"
"Miners refuse to work after death"
"Two Soviet ships collide - one dies"
"Two sisters reunite after eighteen years at checkout counter"
"Nicaragua sets goal to wipe out literacy"
"If strike isn't settled quickly it may last a while"
"Cold wave linked to temperatures"
"Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say"
"Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation"
"British Left Waffles on Falkan Islands"
Definitions
Advice: what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't
Capitalism: the astounding belief that the most wicked of men will do the most wicked of things for the greatest good of everyone
Chemistry: Physics without thought
Mathematics: Physics without purpose
Compromise: the art of dividing a cake so that everyone thinks they got the biggest piece
Confidence: the feeling you have before you understand the situation
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia: Fear of long words
Kiss: A lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous
A metaphor is like a simile
Trapezoid: a device for trapping zoids
Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules.
Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives
