Dealing With a Completed Suicide
Dealing with the aftermath of a completed suicide is a very difficult and special kind of grief. Survivors are left with feelings of guilt, sadness, and anger.
Guilt
Very often survivors of a suicide are left wondering what they could have done to help the person who took their own life. Perhaps they saw signs that the person was depressed, upset, or suicidal. If they tried to talk to them, they may feel: "maybe I didn't do enough" or if they talked to them perhaps they feel: "what could I have done better."
The most important thing to remember is that suicide is an irrational act, one that trained mental health professionals often have great difficulty predicting and preventing. You did the best you could in your interactions and the deceased made a choice that you cannot change.
Anger
Survivors of a suicide frequently feel anger at the deceased. "How could they be so selfish to hurt all of us in this way?" is a question often asked. "Didn't they think of their family and all of the people who cared about them?" Anger is a normal part of any stress, but with all of these unanswered questions, it is a common element after a suicide.
It is important to recognize your anger at the deceased, verbalize it, and perhaps clarify it for yourself by writing the deceased a letter or talking to them out loud. It is vital not to focus all of your energy on anger, however, because this will keep you away from another difficult, but very healing reaction to suicide: Sadness.
Sadness
It could also be referred to as pain, sorrow, tearfulness, or hurt, but by any name sadness is the most raw feeling associated with the loss of someone you care about. This intense feeling of sadness is best shared with friends and family who can offer support through this difficult time. Experiencing this sadness, like experiencing all of the feelings discussed above, will help to move you towards healing. This process will facilitate putting this experience, as difficult as it is, in perspective.
Remember
Their suicide was not your fault and if the loss makes you think of harming yourself, please seek help immediately. The Counseling Center offers free and confidential services to students. Call us at 424-2061.