Possible Negative Responses to Your Assertiveness
While most people will respond well to assertiveness, it is possible to experience negative reactions from some. Bearing in mind that your assertiveness may interfere with another person’s attempt to get his/her way and may be viewed as a criticism, it probably is not surprising that a few people will resort to undesirable behavior.
The following behaviors are sometimes encountered:
- Backbiting – after you have asserted yourself, the other person may grumble and be disgruntled, but not openly. He/she may want to “get in the last word,” with a “Big deal” or “Who does she think she is?”. The best solution is to ignore this behavior.
- Aggression – the other party may become hostile and hope to scare you into submission. Again, do not escalate the situation. You may wish to express regret that he/she is upset, but remain steadfast in your assertion. If you back down, you reinforce the aggressive behavior, which is particularly important to avoid if you will have continuing contact with that person.
- Various guilt-producing behaviors
- Temper tantrums – looking hurt, saying you don’t care about them, crying, etc.
- Psychosomatic reactions – complaining of health problems (which you are supposed to believe your assertiveness caused), such as abdominal pains, headache, feeling faint.
- Over apologizing – the other party may be overly apologetic or overly humble to you, which will probably leave you feeling like “the bad guy.”
- Revenge – taunts. Confront them directly.
Regarding the above, recognize that these reactions are evidence of the other person’s problem, not yours. Be consistent and do not back down from your rights merely because that results in the other person not getting their way. If you anticipate these as possible reactions, you need not be halted when they occur.
(Above adopted from Robert E. Alberti, Ph.D. & Michael L. Emmons, Ph.D., Your Perfect Right)