How To Lead Assertively
- Realize that both you and the person(s) you are dealing with are deserving of courtesy and respect. You each have a right to be heard, to be taken seriously to ask for what you need, to get information, to disagree, and even to be wrong.
- Do not assume that you must always say or do only what pleases others for fear they will get angry. You are responsible for what you do (which should show respect) but you are not responsible for the reaction of the other(s).
- To show your respect, as much as possible, work out your personal differences privately rather than “on display” before others. If you embarrass the other person(s), you will likely only cause them to become defensive. Disagree respectfully; inquire courteously. There are times when you realize the good intentions of other people yet must disagree with their ideas; to do less is not carrying out your leadership responsibility.
If following up about how much progress another person is making with their responsibility, instead of asking if they have “done it”, ask “What progress have you made?” for example.
- Choose a time and place for confrontation, which allow for the minimal level of discomfort. You may have to “sit on” a reaction sometimes in order to find the proper time and place to react openly. But don’t just put it off if it is important to you.
- If you are behaving assertively, it will show in certain ways:
- You will listen as well as speak.
- Your voice will be firm (not shaky), yet it will not be shouting nor menacing.
- You will maintain eye contact, direct but not staring (looking down conveys weakness).
- Your posture will be well-balanced, conveying self confidence.
- Your gestures will be relaxed and natural (never point your finger, etc.)
- You will listen as well as speak.
- If conflict exists, seek compromise if a workable “middle ground” can be found. That way each person feels they “won” something.
- Remember that leaders can’t always “play it safe” for fear of arousing disapproval by someone. That is the wimp who wishes but does not act!
Neither can leaders push or force, as that is being aggressive. You may get what you want in the short run that way, but you will lose in the long run.
In general, treat others as you would like them to treat you, given that they also have a responsibility to lead.